At the end of May, I received, “Open your arbor to the dark forest and premonition of light besieges thy armoire. Listen carefully to these instructions, for you are catapulting into evening of darkness…precious pink bow requires teeth-baring anger.” I let out a sigh and consented to whatever was next with a slightly curt, “okay.”
The next day I started coughing and the day after that I was sick in bed with a headache, fatigue, pink-eye, a clogged ear, a handful of little pink blisters and major (MAJOR!) expectoration. Something was begging to come out, so I went into the dark forest, and I found anger - lots of anger. I couldn’t name it; I just felt it in my body.
So I coughed and dripped and stewed for a few days while trying to resist the anger, but when I received, “Cease to honor the past with anticipation of moving ahead” I knew it was time to let it go. I walked into the kitchen and stated the things I was angry about out loud with my husband as a witness and without excuses or apology. God, it felt good. This was the release I needed.
I had not wanted to look at the Hortensia quilt square since my first post about her – probably because it wasn’t ringing true yet. The preciousness felt hollow. But after saying ‘okay’ to the anger, something shifted. I picked up Hortensia’s square and for the heck of it, turned it over to look at the other side. I laughed upon seeing that the underside of my precious, pretty, rhythmically seed-stitched pink bow is a mess!! It is chaotic and disorderly and to my surprise, I felt relief upon seeing it. Breathing room. Stop hiding. Be honest.
Here’s the thing that really tickles me - when the pink bow is assembled into the final quilt, the underside will not be seen, but the disorderliness will still be there…the underside WILL ALWAYS BE THERE! If I eliminate the underside, the topside will disappear. Both the topside and the underside are required for the piece (peace?) to exist.
The preciousness of Hortensia’s pink bow is now full-bodied having met up with the teeth-baring anger. Similarly, the quilt’s preamble: “Thou shalt be lovely in the eyes of all creation” now resonates as sacred inside of me as opposed to being a pretty poetic phrase.
This is the first real shift I’ve experienced while working on this quilt. I am officially in the unknown as this project forges an unexpected path and I am curious about where it leads (she says with trepidation…)